Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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