with your own penis?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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