it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
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There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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