JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If I die, sorry about rent.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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