no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize