If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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