I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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