some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
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But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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