During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize