I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
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i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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