Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
...so i touched it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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