True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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