We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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