woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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