id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize