She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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