you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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