I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
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Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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