i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
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She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize