Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize