First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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