Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize