My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You need a sexual gate keeper
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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