i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize