My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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