No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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