jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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