he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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