I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize