god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize