my mouth tastes like poor choices
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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