I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
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Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
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Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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