No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize