God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
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I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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