a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize