It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
no more duck duck goose at the bar
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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