a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize