First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
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He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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