T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
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If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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