She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize