Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize