pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize