He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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