So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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