Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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