I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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