I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize