Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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