The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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