im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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