Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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